Punky Fu

 American Idle

At the advent of the Scientific Revolution, the people were taught that it was no longer cool to believe in their collective Gods. The unexplained became de-mystified, what were once believed to be Zeus and Hera fighting in the heavens turned out just to be some chemicals clashing together in the air. Damn. “Now who would we worship?” thought the very bored, and very common humans.

Well, Myths and Mythology had the common sense to evolve into fairy and cautionary tales… and in the late 20th century, they became Urban Legends. In time, the Gods of yore gave birth to an entire pantheon of Concepts and Memes.

Who needs Apollo to drive his fiery chariot across the sky? It’s just the Earth turning, stupid. 

And, one by one, the religions of Before became the Mythology of the Now as the people found new concepts to worship.

There is god Authority. The prayerful people, not having the old Gods to worship and yet not willing to take responsibility for themselves, looked to Authority. For those whom freedom is a burden, conformity is a warm cocoon in which to protect themselves from such a cold, unknowable world.

Of course, there is god Consumption. This is the god of greed, laziness and criticism. Consumption tells us that buying and owning things is the one and only key to success. You need not do anything - just be a good consumer and know which products are the best ones to own. If you have enough of the right STUFF, you will be fulfilled.

There is goddess Popularity. Popularity is the god of getting other’s attention. She takes a sacrifice of your time, and in return promises good self-esteem and companionship. Why, get enough friends added to your personal pantheon, and you might achieve demi-god status and become a Real Celebrity! So ethereal and special, you’ll never even have to take another shit!

There is the dark god, Provocation. This god inhabits the Underworld of the New Gods - and unlike Popularity, this god’s method is not bent on approval. Simply getting people to react to you (but not necessarily like you) is key. Say things that make people rip roaring angry. Get under their skins. Remember - any reaction is better than none, and angry reactions are always easier to get.

There is the goddess Oblivion. Oblivion tells us that we need not focus on the hardships of life - but merely anesthetize ourselves with our drugs of choice. Be it a substance - like alcohol or food or a drug; or some screen - like movies, or the internet; or other people’s problems makes no difference. So long as you are distracted, you needn’t focus on the “bad things.”

There is the god Pity. Pity dictates that you find a place in your heart, hands and home for the poor, poor, pitiful ones. “Feeeeed me, Seymour,” they moan and groan about their traumas and dramas, until someone lets them latch on like a parasite, living rapaciously from their hosts’ blood supplies for as long as they are allowed.

Finally there is the goddess Lust. She tells you that you can fill the empty spaces in your heart and mind with your very own set of genitals. Of course, to make things easier, this doesn’t require an actual partner. No, something two dimensional will do - whether pre-recorded or a live person on the other end of a web cam - take your genitals in hand and shake, shake, shake that booty until it screams.

The New Gods’ reign would not last forever. But for the time being, they were indeed supreme.