Punky Fu

False face must hide what the false heart doth know.
Macbeth, 1. 7

We watched Catfish unfolding, huddled together for comfort, bracing against what we knew would be the inevitable outcome of an Idealized dream ne’er-cum-true. Suspense hitching our weight, ratcheting tension, like the slow cranking of a roller coaster to its initial and highest peak, knowing that soon, with the protagonist, we would be spiraling downward at a breakneck speed.

The masks behind the masks - always prepared with another story to support the last fabrication - were all too familiar. How could we not relate, when this experience so paralleled our own? Although our empathy quickly evaporated, turning away when the protagonists didn’t realize their own rationalizations - their own pride was the mask for their faults. For our own sakes, however, this lesson would not go unlearned.

We returned to where we had began our evening - our place of quiet, of sanctuary, and feeling quite agitated, I knew that sleep would elude me lest I shift my focus. I gazed longingly at my love, her small hands gently stroking the scrabble on my cheek she so adores, and I knew that this was the place of fullness, completion and circularity: in her arms. And so as I allowed sleep to take me, we ended the evening as we began - a lover’s embrace and this time, my arms filled her body, my lungs filled with her scent, and my heart filled with an unearthly gratitude knowing I had more to be thankful for than I could ever truly express.

9 April 2011 • tig internet asshats base manipulation cyber-stalking every kind of creep pathetic

Upon entering the new domain, she was at first shocked and surprised. Here in this new community, there were people of all sorts with welcoming invitations for friendship. It was almost flattering.

But the new people weren’t that different from the others - it was all just instrumental behavior, repackaged, remixed, and subtle enough to fool most others. But not her. Not for long.

Ever the eternal iconoclast - she had taken the necessary steps - withstood the rejection of the world. Being ostracized was more of a comfortable blanket. So despite what the new “friends” might think, she would not join.

When the Tiger came, he growled mightily. The scent of the prey and predator prickled his nostrils and with bared fang. Together, they quickly set about dismantling the machinations and manipulations of the would-be elite.

Sorting through the detritus of the world - and she saw with clarity the same songs and dances. Together, they found paths through the labyrinth and fathomed the unfathomable.

She, the eternal non-conformist, with the strength borne of years of forging, reinforced her status as the new Keeper at the human zoo. She realized that they were all imposters, that the interactions were illusory. She knew that like fairies, they needed you to believe in them to exist and now, there would be no more room for pretenders.

Scales fallen from the eyes- with elegance and grace, full from the prowl of night, she returned her focus to the real. And with the Tiger, strode off into the dawn of a real ever after. div { margin: 0px; }

8 April 2011 • lia internet base manipulation every kind of creep needy-greedies

Most of my mail goes to automatic delete, so unless I personally know you, don’t expect a response. Oft-repeated message - ‘tell me about yourself… you seem like x, y, and z. Who are you really ?’
My answer, always - You seem to already know everything that you need to know. Be’ware my flame or order some false teeth.
凸(¬‿¬)凸

Most of my mail goes to automatic delete, so unless I personally know you, don’t expect a response. Oft-repeated message - ‘tell me about yourself… you seem like x, y, and z. Who are you really ?’

My answer, always - You seem to already know everything that you need to know. Be’ware my flame or order some false teeth.

凸(¬‿¬)凸

29 March 2011 • lia truth every kind of creep

So little was known about this new primate habitat and despite its immense population and people’s constant interactions, people knew very little about the behavior of its inhabitants, preferring instead to make assumptions and operate on presuppositions. Unlike her predecessor, she was the new observer at the Human Zoo and had to deal with teeming masses of other humans joining in the ever-expanding ranks of the primates.

Still, the dynamics were the same. She would observe, describe, interact minimally, make predictions and test her hypotheses. She would note the group dynamics behind the interactions - the dance of the Alphas, the mating rituals, the male display behavior, the pecking orders, the poo flinging, the mass appeals and herd mentality. She would shoulder alongside their burden of freedom, to see if rational thought prevailed over superstition, or if individualism would prevail over conformity. And she would comment - sharing her field and naturalistic observations with the very population whom she studied - all in an attempt to see if people could rise above their biology and be more than another animal.

At the best of times there was resistance. At the worst of times, blatant judgment and outright rejection were her only results. But as a student of life, she was prepared for this. Plus it helped for her to leave behind the Zoo - where the monkeys had taken over - and spend time in her interior landscape, where she developed and grew beyond her limitations, and developed her theories. Such is the life of the Cyber Anthropologist.

22 March 2011 • lia internet base manipulation cyber-stalking every kind of creep groaning hassles

Cyber Anthropology

So little was known about this new primate habitat. Despite its immense population and constant interactions, very little is actually known about the behavior of its inhabitants, most preferring instead to make assumptions and operate on presuppositions. Unlike her predecessor, Lia was the new observer at the Human Zoo and had to deal with teeming masses of other humans joining in the ever-expanding ranks.

Still, the dynamics were the same. She would observe, describe, interact minimally, make predictions, and test her hypotheses. She would note the group dynamics behind the interactions - the dance of the Alphas, the mating rituals, the male display behavior, the pecking orders, the poo flinging, the emotional appeals and - most salient of all - the herd mentality.

She would shoulder alongside their burden of freedom, to see if rational thought prevailed over superstition, or if individualism would prevail over conformity. And she would comment - sharing her field and naturalistic observations with the very population whom she studied - all in an attempt to see if people could rise above their biology and be more than just another animal.

At the best of times there was resistance. At the worst of times, blatant judgment and outright rejection were her only results. But as a student of life, she was prepared for this.

Time away helped her to keep perspective and so often was she to leave behind the Zoo - where the monkeys had taken over - and spend time in her interior landscape, the world of flesh and blood, where she developed emotionally and grew beyond her own limitations, and, in the sunlit sanctuary of her studio, fine-tuned her theories.

Such is the life of the Cyber Anthropologist.

9 July 2010 • lia and everything every kind of creep internet psychology

PSYCHOLOGICAL FACTORS AFFECTING ONLINE RELATIONSHIPS

Whether you like it or not, the “final frontier” in relationships is not in outer space, but rather cyberspace. People make friends, colleagues, lovers, and enemies online daily and in considerable number on social networking sites like Facebook, My Space or Twitter, etc.

Critics say that these relationships do not compare to “real” ones. Supporters will argue that these relationships are as “real” as any. This has led to considerable debate over the quality of these relationships. Naturally there is no easy answer to this debate because terms like “real” and “relationship” are typically defined at an individual level.

Consequently, judging the value of any relationship must be done by the participants of said relationship.

It is worth noting, however, that ANY relationship can be healthy or unhealthy, and while plenty of research has been compiled about potential toxicity of “traditional” in-person relationships, there is a cultural lag with the online relationship.

Following are some well established psychological theories that may apply to the cyber friendship. These factors may or may not appropriately apply to any individual relationship, BUT they may worth consideration, especially if the online relationship is the sole substitute of in-person one and based on inadequacy and not choice.

28 May 2010 • cyber-stalking psychology internet every kind of creep needy-greedies social commentary rant Whinge

Attachment Styles and Intimacy

Originally conceptualized by Bowlby, Attachment Theory emphasizes childhood relationships as the basis for our templates for adult (especially romantic) relationships. Simply put, Bowlby identified three attachment styles:

Secure, Anxious / Ambivalent, and Avoidant / Dismissive.

Secure Attachment results from strong and reliable bonds between children and their caretakers. The caretakers are reliable, loving and consistent. A strong bond develops between both.

Children with Secure Attachment:
* Are able to separate from their parents
* Seek comfort from parents when frightened
* Meet their parents return with positive emotions
* Prefer their parents to strangers

Adults with Secure Attachment:
* Are more trusting, open and understanding
* Tend to have good self-esteem
* Form lasting interdependent relationships
* Are comfortable being close to and sharing feelings with partners
* Can find a balance between intimacy (the revealing or sharing of all aspects of self) and independence
* Approach relationship problems and issues with their partners in a constructive manner

When caretakers are inconsistent or overly protective, the resulting style is called Anxious or Ambivalent Attachment.

Children with Anxious / Ambivalent Attachment:
* Are preoccupied with caregiver’s availability
* Do not deal well with either separation or return of the parents
* Are reluctant to warm to new caregivers

Adults with Anxious / Ambivalent Attachment:
* Are constantly worried and anxious about their love life
* Crave and desperately need high levels of intimacy, approval and responsiveness from partners, becoming overly dependent but, they never stop questioning their partner’s love (“do you really love me?”).
* Are obsessed with their relationships and everything that happens in them
* Tend to be less trusting and have less positive views about themselves and their partners, constantly concerned that their partners will leave them
* Rarely feel completely loved and they experience extreme emotional highs and lows
* Are hard to satisfy emotionally; you can’t love them enough, or be close enough to them, and they constantly monitor their relationships for problems.

Ironically, their need for love makes it easy for anxious individuals to be taken advantage of when it comes to love and romance, which in the long run can create even more suspicion and doubt.

And finally, when the primary caregivers are dismissive or ignore their children, and are neutral to uncaring or apathetic about the children, it is called Avoidant / Dismissive Attachment.

Children with Avoidant / Dismissive Attachment:
* May be wary of strangers.
* Become greatly distressed with the parent leaves
* Do not appear to be comforted by the return of the parent
* Treat strangers the same as parents

Adults with Avoidant / Dismissive Attachment:
* Are reluctant to become close to others
* Have both a high desire and high discomfort with emotional closeness
* Don’t like being dependent on a partner or having someone be dependent on them
* Deal with rejection by emotionally distancing themselves
* Mistrust their partners and are more self-sufficient, cynical, and independent
* View themselves as unworthy of a relationship
* Are more apt to invest energies elsewhere (e.g., career or hobbies)
* Get easily annoyed with their relational partners and often display negative feelings and hostility toward their loved ones.

28 May 2010 • psychology internet cyber-stalking every kind of creep needy-greedies pathetic Whinge

Online Drama Part III

In ANY relationship (virtual or in-person), the understanding of our own Attachment Style is valuable because it helps us to understand our imposed belief system.

Simply put, people don’t see the world as it is, rather we impose our beliefs on what we experience. It helps to understand how we form attachments to romantic partners because our style of attachment influences so much of what happens in our close relationships: our experience of jealousy, self-disclosure, conflict resolution, love, commitment, lying, infidelity, sexual behavior, just to name a few.

Prior to Social Networking sites, people with Anxious or Avoidant attachment styles tended to seek out people who were emotionally unavailable: supervisors, authority figures, people who were already in relationships, movie stars, and so on.

For the Avoidant Adult, these people are easily dismissed because they require no investment. For the Anxious Adult, these people reinforce their own self-concept and fragility of the relationship. Both create self-fulfilling prophecies.

Obviously the Cyber Relationship offers people with these two styles to meet the paradoxical needs of both being with someone and not being with someone (for different reasons). The careful consideration of the use of the cyber relationship as a proxy or replacement for other relationships is worthwhile.

On a personal note, I much prefer to speak in the flesh where I can be more effective and real. T’internets are a fun way to observe human behavior, find a little amusement, and perhaps exchange ideas. I keep some bloggy things (SU, Tumblr, FB) for journalling my thoughts and bookmarking sites. I choose to invest my energies in the Real World, and with fully-functioning people.

The people who pour their energy into their online persona are most always terribly maladroit. They are unable to connect successfully with others in the outside world. Why believe in faeries ? The cost/benefit analysis doesn’t work.

~ Lia

28 May 2010 • psychology internet cyber-stalking every kind of creep hassles needy-greedies Whinge